Script Development

 After receiving feedback from Jane on my script, she advised me that I needed to firstly reformat my script, as although I used a scriptwriting software it had not centralised the dialogue correctly. In terms of the nature of the story, we also discussed that the plot of my story was very broad and due to this script only being 10 pages I needed to simplify some of the narrative, therefore the storyline of Audra's friend Luna switching off in the online world/ making her body in the real world redundant needed to be cut as there was not enough pages to explain not only the context of how this can happen but also how it is even possible, which would need a lot more explanation and not explaining it would leave too many plot holes. Therefore I have decided to take Lunas character out of the script entirely and instead frame my story around Audra and her conflicts with the real and virtual world. 

Jane also advised that I needed to include more context to the world in which Audra was living in, she suggested including montages of the virtual and real world, further description of the countdowns with the use of tannoys and sounds of a street sweeper to convey how chaotic and in a state of ruin the world is. 

In terms of Audra and Finns relationship, Jane also advised that it might be best for them to have already established a relationship, rather than me try and establish this within the 10 short pages available, this would make it easier for the reader/viewer to understand.

From this feedback I feel much clearer with the direction my script needs to go in in order for it to be a successful read.